Good morning folks.
I’m running on ‘E’ right now, I’ve had little sleep as I was at the Blake Carrington show last night (b-a-n-a-n-a-n-a-s). Oh man, it was real hectic. I’ll save the rest of my comments for my official post later.
Yesterday on my lunch, I went downstairs to warm up my food. As I waited at the microwave (with 4 other people standing there), this man that I say hello to occasionally looks at me and says “Are you losing weight, you look very skinny” and has a look of slight disgust on his face. As if I wasn’t already self conscious because not only was my pants too big but my underwear as well. I was caught off guard and just replied “yes, I have it’s just stress I’ll gain it back”, he said “yea, cause Caribana is coming up soon and everything”. Well gee whiz, thank you so very much for that! I walked away extremely annoyed, and my feelings more hurt than it already was. I cannot even begin to tell you the amount of people that I know that come up to me asking “What happened?” after the first dozen or so, you begin to feel pretty crappy about yourself. The only other time I’ve been this skinny, was when I went through a major breakup in my life. I’m typically a size 9 and after that I will never forget trying on a size 3 pair of pants with tights underneath it and it still having room. You know how low that feels? I don’t really talk about the situation that occurred between myself and him, as I felt it was never worth mentioning to a bunch of people. Those that knew, knew. Everyone else speculated and spread things that weren’t necessarily true. You know what I mean “Everybody talks and everybody listens but somehow the truth always comes up missing”. I won’t give you the drama filled story because it’s worse than an episode of the Young and the Restless but needless to say he cheated and I was devastated. If you know the full details of the story, you’ll know that was probably the smallest of the problem in that situation. It’s all the disrespect that occured that probably stressed me the most. Do you know what it feels like to be completely degraded by someone that has uttered many times “I love you“?
Do not get me wrong, the whole thing wasn’t bad, not in the slightest. The course of the relationship was pretty good, it’s the end that fell apart so quickly. I’m very big on TRUST, before I would give you all my trust until I was given a reason not to. Big mistake apparently. Putting all of your trust into one person, is setting yourself up for disaster as we are all human and there is room for error. However it’s the magnitude of the error that really counts and what you do to correct that error. To be completely disrespected by someone on top of the cheating was just means for the looney bin. I lost weight entirely too quick, I had zero appetite. I remember days not eating anything at all, having 2 bites out of something and then being full. Stress affects me in the stupidest of ways, and everyone knows it.
This weight loss mirrors the last major one for different stress levels. Again I won’t go into great detail but when I’m stressed in different aspects of my life, I begin to slowly shut down from the everyday world. A lot of folks say “you have no reason to be stressed” but they really don’t know the half of it, and I’m not going to sit there and justify anything to anybody. It’s funny I was speaking to a friend of mine and she unfortunately is going through a tough time as well and I said “This can’t be life” she said that sadly it is life for a couple of other people she knows as well. It’s funny when you look at your friends/family and you see them smiling and laughing, you really never know what’s going on behind the scenes. Are they really as good as you think they are? Or is it just a brave front? Sometimes it’s good to just check in with people just to see how their mindstate is. I’m a Virgo and we’re very attentive people, by trait I’m a very good listener I’ll listen to everyones problems and concerns willingly and do my absolute best to try and help them out or just LISTEN. I feel that nowadays everyone runs around telling everyone their problems but don’t take the time to ask the other person “so how are you doing” in return. Kind of sad, and makes you feel lonely and sometimes like no one cares. It makes you see why there are so many tragedies in the world sometimes, someone feels completely alone and does something drastic because of it. Most times it could be prevented if someone just gave them the indication that they cared, that they were listening. Think about it, it’s not that hard to do is it?
*Disclaimer: Do not worry people, I’m not going to do anything stupid, I’m just correlating a point right now*